Body hatred manifests in our lives as harsh expectations, stringent guidelines and general meanness: asking too much from our bodies, and then criticizing them when they fall short. Who wants that? The antidote to body hatred is gentleness: relaxing our expectations so that we can meet our need for a beautiful, healthy body without living with an internal slavedriver.
How can we be more gentle towards our bodies? Here are 4 suggestions:
1. Wear clothes that fit. One of the easiest ways you can feel fat, like you need to lose weight, and generally ruin your day is by squeezing into clothes that are too small. Would you ever do this to a child? Of course not. So why do this to yourself? Because wearing a smaller size makes us feel thinner. Likewise, we think that wearing a smaller size will make us look thinner. But the reverse is true. Well dressed women agree that wearing clothes that skim, rather than cling to the body, creates the most flattering silhouette: good for your body as well as your self esteem.
2. Give yourself time for changes to manifest. Whether you’re a new mother trying to lose her baby weight, or you’re trying to lose your winter hibernation pounds, be kind to your body, and give yourself enough time to reach your goal. Expecting changes overnight, or in a week, or even in a month, result in drastic measures and frustration. Either you’ll kill yourself to meet your goal, or you’ll give up and berate yourself for your lack of progress. Habits take 3 weeks to take; mindsets, over a year. So give it time.
3. Accept a range for an ideal weight, rather than one number. Health is dynamic, an ever changing, living, breathing thing. You can’t expect your body to be constant. Weight fluctuates, especially in women’s bodies. Health fluctuates, as your external circumstances change. The appearance of your skin and hair fluctuates with the seasons and your health. Instead of accepting one weight as your ideal, give yourself a range of at least 6 pounds to accommodate the normal flux of living. Instead of having one definition of a good hair or skin day, increase your options to include a day when you have a small pimple or when your hair doesn’t cooperate perfectly.
4. Accept fat days without shame and criticism. Yes, in an ideal world, every woman would love her body all of the time. But what if you don’t love your body everyday? Let it go, and give yourself a break. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you’ve got PMS. Maybe you’re tired of winter and sweaters and are longing for spring. Accept that while, yes, your goal is to love your body, there may be times when you don’t. And that’s okay.
