Loving your body is primarily an inside job. But we also live in a physical universe. While you are changing the internal environment of your mind, learning to love your body from the inside, it’s just as important to make your external environment as supportive as possible, to love your body from the outside.
Why? Ignoring your inner critic (you know, that voice that tells you you’re a fat cow or that berates you for gaining weight this winter?) is hard enough without giving it ammunition. Accept yourself where you are. Give yourself the support that you need to grow, being kind to yourself by not making loving your body any harder than it needs to be.
10 tips to help you love your body:
1. Redirect talk about dieting or body bashing with your girlfriends. When body bashing comes up as a topic of conversation, you have several options. You can change the subject. You can find someone else to talk to. Or you can kindly say, “Talking about dieting makes me a little neurotic right now. Can we talk about something else?” By speaking up, you may find an ally, a source of support.
2. Avoid looking at fashion magazines or catalogs that endorse emaciated women as the beauty ideal. If you’re an alcoholic in recovery, it makes sense to limit your exposure to alcohol. Similarly, if looking at skinny, airbrushed women makes you nuts, let them go for now. You can add these back in your life as you are feeling more confident.
3. Weigh yourself less. When the number’s up, you feel bad. When it’s down, you feel good. Constant weighing can create obsession and breed anxiety, just as constantly looking at your diminishing retirement funds can turn the most ardent optimist into a neurotic. Gently let this habit go — if only for the time being.
4. Eat until you’re satisfied. It’s hard to be your best self if you’re starving. Julia Ross’ book, The Diet Cure, is an excellent discussion of how dieting disrupts all of your body’s systems, and not just your metabolism. Dieting can lead to food obsession, depression, eating disorders, and a negative body image. Contrast that list with the benefits of honoring your body’s needs for nourishment: energy, health, stable moods, clarity of thought, and pleasure.
5. Buy clothing that fits. Have you, like me, bought something a size too small, because you don’t want to buy a larger size and admit you’ve gained weight? Or buy a smaller size with the intention of dieting to fit into it? If you’re wearing clothing that pinches, you’re going to feel fat. Period. Be kind to yourself, and wear flattering clothing that fits the body you have today.
6. Channel your childhood. Remember that feeling of being completely at home in your body — not being concerned about sucking in your stomach, disguising your thighs, or hiding your hips? Find a beautiful picture of yourself as a little girl and use it as a reminder of those carefree feelings.
7. Ignore the latest fad diets. There’s something magnetic about the women’s magazine at the grocery store checkout line that proclaims, “Lose 10 pounds in 10 days.” Resist taking a peek. A constant drive for self-improvement is one way our egos keep us away from the present moment, separated from the love and appreciation we feel for the body we have today.
8. Focus on your body’s abilities instead of its size. I know I feel more loving toward my body when I am enjoying its physical pleasures: going for a run, taking a bike ride with my children, or making (hot!) love with my husband. View exercise as a chance to move and play, as honoring your need to move. Embrace your sexuality as a pathway of appreciation for your feminine self.
9. Limit mirror exposure. If you are constantly checking your appearance throughout the day, you will most likely end up obsessing about your weight — or negatively comparing yourself to other women. Looking at your butt in a mirror doesn’t make it any smaller: I know. I’ve tried.
10. Shop for need. Clothes shopping can be fun, unless you end up berating yourself for your big hips, flabby thighs, or the ten extra pounds you’re carrying this spring. Try spending less time in dressing rooms until you can brave the flourescent lights with confidence.
And above all, recognize when you need to call in the troops. A real turning point for me in loving my body came when I prayed to God to remove my unhealthy desire to be skinny. Likewise, if it appeals to you, consider making loving your body a spiritual task, embracing it as an opportunity for growth.
